Integrity isn’t easy, it requires consistent listening. I believe in self-check-ins. Just like you take time to check-in on a flight, you gotta carve out regular time to check-in with yourself. You’re at check-in counter asking yourself “Hey how are we”, “where are we going", "what do we need?”.

It’s like as soon as you’re doing well in one area, you let up in another area and then beat yourself up for doing so. Maybe you’ve started a new project and the time you choose to dedicate to that means less time nurturing your relationships. That can be tough to manage but it’s not a bad thing! We can’t be everywhere at once.

When our fundamental rights are at risk as marginalized people, we naturally go into a place of dissociation. This is important to acknowledge. When the dominant group, i.e. white cis straight men, make decisions about our bodies, we learn that our bodies are not our own.

It’s time we normalize all emotional states and hold their complexity, cause it’s May and that means that it’s Mental Health Month! This month I proudly celebrate six years as a psychotherapist. And what I can tell you is that it's become trendy to FIX ourselves.

I was inspired by an act of self-love last week. It might *not* be what you’d typically think of self-love. I was on a ghost walking tour with my mom in the wild nightlife of N’awlins (yes that’s right). And right there out of nowhere a woman from the group pulled down her leggings… and peed on the street in front of everyone (!!)

The worst that happens when we ask for something is we’re told no, or it just doesn't happen. And yea sometimes that feels like a dagger to the heart. It can be a big blow to the ego, but in that moment you’re acknowledging yourself, giving yourself the opportunity to be seen. That is a brave act.

Overcompensating has a huge toll on our bodies. It gets the best of us. Constantly feeling unworthy. Like who you are is not enough or what you do is not enough. We feel this, especially as n’betweeners. Our experience is constantly questioned. We feel like we have to prove ourselves.

It takes deep courage to let ourselves be. To just sit with our emotions and not attempt to "fix them".  Hate to break it to you, but getting upset at yourself for feeling sad is not going to make you feel less sad! Acknowledging how we feel can be so HARD especially when our emotions feel so intense.

I love this because it brings into light the n’betweener experience, and the importance of us being represented and seen. Loneliness is a core experience of being an n’betweener. I mean all types of loneliness from isolation, rejection, being misunderstood, etc. In the presence of others, you might feel a deep nagging feeling. It’s hard to describe, but it’s a sort of emptiness. 

Here is the thing: Investing in yourself is the greatest act of self-love. Saying YES to yourself is liberating. Listening and believing in yourself is powerful. But instead, you hide. You don’t take that risk. You minimize your gifts. You unwillingly self-sabotage. Your mind plays these tricks with you, and you’re not alone.

Systems of oppression make us believe that we’re trapped and incompetent. Can you relate? I felt SO powerless in French School. Standing up when the instructor entered the room. Evaluated on my ability to memorize everything (all of which I “failed” in).

I don’t want you to miss the opportunity to be part of this community. There is no greater gift you can offer yourself than to empower yourself. When you choose to invest in you, you increase your self-worth and you start to believe in your potential. And let me tell you, it is a liberating feeling. This is your chance to truly choose Y O U! (If not you, who will….?) Let today be the day you say, “I’m ready to invest in my true self and not who others want me to be”.

Here is the thing you need to know: Michelle Obama feels UNWORTHY. Still today she shares how she deals with imposter syndrome (read that again if you need to - yes the former First Lady of the United States). Maya Angelou felt INSECURE. Despite winning hundreds of awards, she thought her next book would be a failure. The difference between you and the person you admire is that they dare to take a risk, and believe in themselves, even when they feel like an imposter.

These toxic thoughts are killing your mental health. They’re draining you of your energy and sending you through a never-ending spiral of self-doubt.  It has led you to OVERwork, OVERstretch and OVERcompensate in all areas of your life. Tired? You might feel trapped in a trauma-fog. 

If you ever think, “I cannot afford living like this anymore” you’re right. Because non-stop molding will defeat you, and send you straight to bed. Here is the most heartbreaking thing about this: When you stop believing in yourself, you give up on yourself. You move further and further from who you are and what you want. You leave that shiny golden soul of yours on the side of a highway.

We know concealment all too well around the world. History purposefully not being told.

When information is not named, we are deprived of choice on how we respond. Not sharing certain information is how oppression functions.

Concealment strips you of your resources and autonomy.

For the first time in US history, a woman of color is represented on the most powerful currency.

Dr. Maya Angelou is the first Black woman on a US quarter!

When Maya is seen, you're seen. We’re represented, we deeply exhale. It’s a glimpse of hope.

Here is the one mistake you cannot afford to make. NOT attuning to yourself. Yep, what’s really exhausting you is when you’re not in alignment with your highest values. When we think of burnout, we often think of exhaustion from work. But we forget that the real burnout is the lack of an ongoing relationship with ourselves throughout the day.

When we experience rejection we feel isolated. Like we don’t belong. The need to belong is stronger than the need to be ourselves. So we mold and change ourselves in order to belong. As women, we participate in patriarchy. As immigrants, we code-switch. As people of color, we whitewash ourselves.

It’s ok to feel resistant to impermanence. See if you can maybe find ONE moment of gratitude, one moment of humbleness, one moment of connection with your loved ones. Let go of obsessing about that picture that you no longer have. Let go of thinking about yesterday and that dumb comment you made to the cashier at Target.