Words and language matter. When we use words that encompass blatant lies, we create dangerous stories about the world. What happens when you receive constant  messages that you’re “less than?” You start internalizing it. You stop pushing the status quo. You start believing that you “cannot do” certain things, that your voice is less than. That you don’t have power or control. 

You tend to run away when things get real. You make yourself so small, minimizing every growth moment. You struggle to take space when it actually matters. You step back. Here is the problem:

It’s often difficult to do the thing we know deep down is best for us because it’s scary. The fear of coming closer to yourself and who you actually are. You seek out self-awareness, meditate, read all the self-help books, start therapy. But when faced with the sharp vulnerability the awareness brings, you H I D E. 

In my work as a psychotherapist, I’ve discovered that when we explain ourselves, we directly feed into Internalized Oppression (IO). It’s like lighting gas to a fire. Why? Because it means you feel the need to justify yourself. It reinforces that who you are isn’t valid without an explanation. So you overwork and overcompensate to make it “right” 

Representation matters in both directions, meaning underrepresentation AND overrepresentation. We usually think of the lack of representation of Indigenous, queer, trans, people with disabilities and any marginalized group. But OVERrepresentation also has a cost.

The first ever n’betweener gathering this October 22-23rd. You don’t want to miss this. This nest retreat is an opportunity to get away and really focus on yourself.  Let’s face it, you need a break. You’re overwhelmed with life, responsibilities, and relationships. You feel lost in the overwork non-stop

All my life I had been filled with emotional intelligence and sensitivity. Yet I always deemed it as bad and a burden. Claiming what you want is the bravest step you can take in your life. Let me tell you this- the path to becoming a psychotherapist was far from easy. A rodeo show filled with challenges.

Since moving to the US, I have unlearned how to deeply rest. This is why I’m in Europe for 3 months, to feel a culture less dominated by capitalism and reconnect to myself. We know that n’betweeners are overworkers. We always do a little extra. Overcompensate cause we feel we’re not enough. And constantly overthinking every little thing. 

When you need a little extra comfort, look for support along the way. You know those little signs that give you peace of mind? Those symbols reassure you are in congruence with yourself even if it feels like the world around you is on fire.  That may be a conversation with a stranger, a recurring number, a song, or even an animal. 

We have to find the edge…that sweet n’between. You can be clear with yourself about your struggles, but that doesn’t mean you’re bad. You're trained to believe that every problem needs a solution, but maybe the things you understand to be “wrong” about yourself are really just neutral.

When do you boldly put yourself out there?

As n’betweeners, many of us fall victim to perfectionism. Every little thing has to be right or we’ll freak. We are underestimated so we overwork. We overthink. We overcompensate.

So we get S-T-U-C-K, instead of putting ourselves out there.

Being adaptable is your superpower ❤️ The gift of holding multiple perspectives at once. Adapting to various environments moment to moment. So why not use it to leverage yourself? We live in a world meant for white cis-men, so a lot of times you may find yourself [unconsciously] trying to think and act like them.

When you are kind to yourself, sometimes you have to turn people away. You have to set boundaries.  You choose yourself over someone else. So often we are unkind to ourselves because it makes us uncomfortable to put ourselves first. Being an n’betweener is often characterized by the need to please everyone…everyone but ourselves.

n’between is more than a 6-week course. It’s a space where you can be held. It’s people who get you, who you can lean on. It’s an embodiment of power. It’s a mindset and a lifestyle. We're so used to feeling they don’t belong, but you don’t have to to feel that way here.

That’s what n’betweeners live. We don’t see ourselves reflected - whether it’s mainstream media, politics, or in our community. We feel alone in our unique experience. This weekend was different for me.

When we’re in front of a threat, we first assess whether we can ‘Fight’ our way out of the situation. In this case we lost, the Supreme Court voted to overturn. Now that we feel like we cannot ‘Fight’ we assess whether we can flee, can we get to safety?

That habit of measuring and comparing your life to others creating unrealistic standards? It’s Wednesday evening, you started watching funny cat videos and somehow ended up on Mary’s IG profile [some stranger with the best profile aesthetic] and find yourself thinking “I wish I had her life”.

White people in the US often miss culture. To the point that they latch on to any sense of culture. Just like the story I shared. There is a lack of stories, rituals, practices, or history that unite them. In order to experience that, they erase and steal other cultures.

Sacrificing yourself and your needs to please others. Ever promised your colleague you’d help them on a project, or tell a friend you would support them through a move. You then end up letting others down plus feeling like sh*t. Caretaking others cost you your energy and time. Let’s save you some of that.

As a queer person, I know the experience of coming out all too well. That’s because it doesn’t happen a single time. We come out multiple times with many people in different places. It’s exhausting and painful. It takes courage to let ourselves be seen.