Si ura mzungu hata mo hatchu ( & my white privilege)

I need to tell you this story. It's important, so keep reading till the end pls.

I just skipped the ENTIRE line.

I passed 50+ passengers at the check in line for Ethiopian airlines in Paris.

I’m walking with my brother towards the check-in counter - he’s not traveling, but is my sweet emotional support.

I’m going to Comoros. I haven’t been since my dad’s funeral. 10 years have passed. Anxious is an understatement. 

The Ethiopian airlines employee waves me to the other side, instead of the line with the 50+ people.

On this side there're now only 10 people. Most of them are wearing suits checking in for business class. I stand next to them, at a different line.

And suddenly..

A woman starts yelling at me.

Standing on an actual red carpet she yells “No no no no no no no.. go BACK”. My body freezes. What I didn’t know was that not only did I pass 50 other passengers but also an entire delegation of diplomats (!!).

So you may be wondering… why did this Ethiopian Airlines employee let me skip this entire line?

Supposedly because I had two pieces of luggages that was "why" (hum.. anyone who’s flown to Africa knows that most people have a least of two pieces luggages)

My luggage was filled with n'betweeness. One piece of luggage with winter clothes for Denmark and light summer body-covering clothes for Comoros. The other luggage is my Tata's. Filled with salmon, meats, cheeses, and other non existent foods in Comoros.

So my brother and I looked at each other. We both KNEW.

We both knew it had nothing to do with me having “a lot of luggage”.

But everything to do with my White privilege.

In Comoros I’m not a woman of color.

I’m not Black nor Arab.

I’m mzungu.

I’m White.

I’m the colonizer.

The one to fear.

“Si ura mzungu hata mo hatchu”

It's from a comorian song. And it means “we’re afraid of the White, even in our own home”.

I don’t even need to on Comorian soil to benefit from my whiteness.

And here is another “fun” fact.

There was one person in front of me. One person that I didn’t pass. A White woman. A woman with a physical disability.

And let me make something clear. There are plenty of other (Black) people with physical disabilities that didn’t skip the line.

But just like this White woman, I know how to use my white privilege in my oppressed identity.

What does that mean to use your privilege in an oppressed identity?

It means I know what to say so I’m heard. So when the person at the check counter tells me that for some reason I’m not allowed to have any luggages checked in. That I now have to pay 440 euros.I know what to say to avoid paying this. 

Here is how my privileged showed up:

I switched from speaking French to English. And not any English. US American English. My English passes as American even when it’s not my native language.

The moment I started using my English, it became a weapon. And he said “It's ok”. 440 euros back in my pocket. Had it been one of the 50+ other people, they most likely would have lost this.

Why am I telling you this story?

Cause this story is important. It’s about n'betweeners becoming aware of our internalized dominance and how it shows up, and how to use it skillfully.

As n’betweeners we often latch onto our oppressed sides. We tend to overidentify with it, to the point that we forget our privileged identities. We play the whole Oppression Olympics.

None of us like to give up our privilege. That’s just the harsh truth.

Privilege means different things in different contexts.

One place you might be poor and another you’re rich.

One place you might be in danger and another you’re actually killed.

One place you're Black, and another you're White.

I’m going to Comoros to be with my family. But I also know that I'm here to feel my deep privilege. To feel my internalized dominance.

So I went to the woman that yelled at me and instead of following my impulse and being defensive, I said "I will go back behind the line if you want me to". She softened. After we all checked in she came over kissed me on the cheek and gave me a big hug.

You curious to learn about your internalized dominance and oppression as an n’betweener, join the waitlist for the course. It starts Feb 20th 2022.

Do you have any questions about internalized dominance? Hit reply.

Massive hugs