Wanting to hide?

Let’s name what no one wants to talk about:

It lives in darkness. 

It breathes in secrecy.

It sucks energy.

It shrinks us.

It paralyzes us.

It destroys our lives. 

I am talking about S H A M E.

As marginalized folks, we’re susceptible to chronic shame at greater levels than anyone else.

We grow up with the internalized belief that we are never enough, no matter what we do.

As people of color, we’re disposable.

As immigrants, we don’t belong.

As women, we’re objects.

As queer people, we’re a sin.

Chronic shame makes us want to disappear. Wishing for Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility.

You may have heard people talk about the difference between guilt and shame.

Guilt is about the action: “I did something bad.”

Shame is about the person: “I am bad.”

In other words, shame is: “I am worthless.”

Chronic shame is born in relationships, and is healed in relationships.

So HOW do we move out of it?

We shed a ray of light. We stop hiding and let ourselves be seen. Shame can’t survive out in the open.

One way we can do this is by acknowledging how our shame shows up in our bodies.

Shames makes us blush, sweat, hide, shrink. These are all responses to dysregulation in our nervous system.

Shame is one of the most excruciating emotions to feel.

If we have a moment of kindness, we can stay curious about how it shows up.

Let me normalize shame, and tell you MY bodily experience of it.

This excruciating feeling washed over me this weekend. 

Something greater than myself takes over. A deep wave of pain rushes over my head. It follows with a blocking sensation in my throat. I open my mouth. No words. Tears want to stream down, but my jaw holds them back. 

Shame is holding our breath. Shame is looking down. Shame is curling into a ball.

Want to break the shame spiral? Share with me in the comments below how you experience shame.

Be kind and patient with yourself.

Breathing with you.

XO

Nora