"You can be both" he said

My dad used to get really mad at me. He’d sharply say “Nora, ton corps n’est pas coupé en deux!!!” (that’s French for “your body is not cut in half”)

I’d look at him with a very strange look. Inside I was thinking, “WTF are you talking about Papa?”.

You know when your parents tell you something really profound? Out of nowhere they drop some wise nuggets that leave you going “huh?” You don’t realize what they meant until waaaaay laaaaaater.

My dad understood what being an n’betweener meant way before I did. He was aware of the space n’between before I knew it was even a thing.

He’d say this phrase to me every time some [White] person questioned the color of my skin. I’d politely pull my usual spiel from my pocket and say “I’m half Danish, and half Comorian”. 

And that’s when he’d go at it: “Oh la la Nora...You are fully Danish AND fully Comorian, your body is not cut in half.” I’d say “Ouiii ouiii papa...” feeling slightly annoyed for what appeared to be irrelevant semantics. 

Today, I realize the depth of what he shared. I don’t have to CHOOSE sides. I don’t have to be one or the other. I am both! 

Notice what happens in your body, when you read:

“You can be both.”

Whether you’re both Jewish and Christian. You like both men and women. You’re both non-binary and a man. You’re both Mexican and US American. 

Splitting ourselves in half puts a toll on our well-being. This idea that we have to be one thing keeps us overworking, inauthentic and untrue to ourselves.

That’s what I love about the space n’between. There are no rules. 

There is no right or wrong way of being an n’betweener as my friend Majidah says. There is fluidity and flexibility in the space n‘betweeen.

If it wasn’t for my parents, I’d never have coined the term n’betweener. 

My parents couldn’t be more opposite. One is Black-Arab, the other is White. One comes from one of the richest countries in the world, while the other is from the poorest. One loves potatoes, while the other despises them. One is Muslim, the other is Atheist/Protestant. One speaks Danish, the other speaks Comorian and French. One is direct, the other is subtle, and the list goes on.

There I was born in the sweet space n’between.

The irony is that none of them fully get my experience as an n'betweener, yet they’re the reason that I came up with the term. Thanks to them, I feel the vast richness of being an n’betweener.

➡️ Ask yourself this question: What part of you do you reject or hide?

Allow yourself to embrace your beautiful complexity.

What makes you WHOLE is holding all of the many nuances of both and.

Bisouuuuu

Nora

PS 1. Wanna deepen into your n’betweeness. More on life as a n’betweener next week. Stay tuned!

PS 2. Merci pti’ papa, og tak mor ❤️