Looking for what’s wrong with you?!

Sometimes it’s easier to be wrong than right. 

I know that might sound odd.

But there can be an experience of “comfort” in finding an issue with self. Like I’d rather look for all the ways “I’m bad” so I cannot be defeated. To affirm your experience of feeling powerless.

Capitalism teaches us this 👉 Look for a problem and find a solution.

But the *actual* problem is that we’ve transferred this to ourselves.

We’ve made ourselves the problem, and we look for issues that don’t really exist. 

Have you ever had someone ask you: “What’s right with you?” No. As n’betweeners, we often receive messages or stares of "huh?!" “what’s wrong with you?” or “why are you like this?”

It can become second nature to constantly diagnose ourselves.

Hear me when I say: There is nothing wrong with you.

You are whole 🖤 ❤️

Your complexity is what makes you beautiful.

You might be experiencing a form of chronic shame.

As n’betweeners, we grow up with the internalized belief that we are never enough or we are too much, no matter what we do.

As women, we’re objects.

As people of color, we’re disposable.

As immigrants, we don’t belong.

As queer people, we’re a sin.

Chronic shame makes us want to disappear. To be erased. 

Maybe the system invisibilizes you, but please don’t do that to yourself. Just cause you’re struggling, it doesn’t mean anything about who you are.

You may have heard people talk about the difference between guilt and shame.

Guilt is about the action: “I did something bad.” Shame is about the person: “I am bad.” In other words, shame is: “I am worthless.”

So HOW do we move out of it?

We shed light. We stop hiding and let ourselves be seen. Shame can’t survive out in the open.

One way we can do this is by acknowledging how our shame shows up in our bodies.

Shame makes us blush, sweat, hide, shrink. These are all responses to dysregulation in our nervous system.

Shame is one of the most excruciating emotions to feel.

If we have a moment of kindness, we can stay curious about how it shows up.

Shame is holding our breath. Shame is looking down. Shame is curling into a ball.

Want to break the shame spiral? Share with me how you experience shame.

Be kind and patient with yourself.

XO

Nora

PS. Know someone stuck in shame? Send this to a friend. Remember, shame needs human connection in order to heal.