You ever feel like someone is out to get you? 

I certainly am feeling this way right now. In the span of a week, two terrorists have actually been out to get us. 18 lives lost between the Anti-Asian hate crime in Atlanta, Georgia, and a shooting right here in Boulder, Colorado. 

During these times it can be hard to avoid the-world-is-against-us narrative.

So sometimes it’s important to acknowledge that the person that is in the way is YOU. Yes, that’s right. Self-sabotage is a thing and oftentimes we unconsciously take part in it.

Self-sabotage occurs when we believe that we are not worthy enough of something. That could be love, a job, a relationship, food, kindness. Anything that is good for us. 
When we believe that we don’t deserve good things, we energetically reject them so that they don’t even have the possibility of happening.

And that’s at the core of the marginalized experience. 

We are so used to bad things happening, so accustomed to an oppressed life, that when something actually good happens we are skeptical. 

We think “this is way too good to be true.” 

We internalize that we have to work harder and be smarter to earn it. We may believe that someone else deserves it more. 

When we self-sabotage we internalize shame which not only harms us but allows the dominant group to continue dominating. As marginalized individuals, we are much harder on ourselves than the dominant group is on themselves. 

So, when we are presented with an opportunity to level up, we inhibit ourselves. 

This happens in our careers, our education, or even when simply making our voice heard.

So especially NOW let’s invite in the good when it’s here.
For me, it’s looking out of my window to see a big star lit up on the Boulder Flatirons. This star is  usually only lit during Christmas. But now, in honor of the lives lost this week, it is once again lit. These challenging times make me feel committed to my work as a therapist. It encourages me to support individuals as we navigate this collective trauma.

The way to escape self-sabotage is to stay committed to ourselves and our purpose. 

Don’t let shame or pain steal your spotlight. 

You deserve what comes your way. Find value in who you are and commit to allowing yourself those good things. (Que Ciara song.)

Ready to level up?

One long hug,

Nora